Wow...

I took my last real dose at 11pm on Friday night. So I am going on 48 hours. Holy hell, I really don't wish this on ANYONE, although it's not a, "call 911" issue, as I thought it would be. I did find that 1.5 pills on Sat morning...not sure if that even helped, but I tried to keep some pieces in my mouth during the afternoon.

 (negliatable).

I had plans for last night (Sat night) - yeah right. I took 3 of those 0.25 mg Xanax around 3 or 4pm, and did not wake up until 8:45pm!!!!!!!!!!! Unreal.  I NEVER sleep for more than 1-2 hours, even with my pils and alcohol. I ALWAYS WAKE UP. This time, no game....literally. I miss my dinner date - tried to call the guy, he never answered. Maybe he thinks I blew him off. Even tried this afternoon...no answer.

Aside from that, when I did awaken at 8:45pm, I thought I also had missed my big game..OU vs Texas Tech..the universe must've been working FOR me...b/c lo and behold...there was a rain delay, and the instead of starting at 7:15pm, it started RIGHT when I woke up (8:45pm). I watched some, then hit DVR, and passed back out.

FITFUL sleep...had to pop another 0.50mg Xanax. I tossed, (LITERALLY tossed, swinging back and forth, between no sheet, sheets, heavy comforter, NO comforter...could NOT decide if I was freezing or sweating...ALLLLLLL night).. Had 2 fans on me, then 1, then none, then 2. BE PREPARED. Do not attempt to detox off 3 years of contant pain medication to ZERO, without some Xanax, a full weekend of NOTHING to do, and ALCOHOL to stop the shakes and anxiety. I probably drank 2-4oz of vodka every few hours. However, I did not feel "drunk" at any point, it only "evened" me out.

The arm/leg twiches are the worst. I literally sucker-punched my (right leg especially, throughtout the night. So doped up from the Xanax (I have zero benzo tolerance mind you, if you do have a Benzo tolerance, plan to double or triple your dose of that). I have not eaten in 2,5 days, other than some pieces of beef jerky and 2 bites of a TV dinner (YUCK). I assume this is normal.

I do NOT handle caffiene (cannot even managae a Coca-Cola without getting nervous), but I have downed 2 of those Bayer Aspirin Crystal packets - each containing 65mg caffeine). After the first, I still conked out. Just took a 2nd and thats prob why I am finally lucid enough to type.

Still home alone....Mother will be home later, with her cheesy, disgusting boyfriend, who is staying overnight. I am upset about this, as I am not sure how night #2 will go. I have three 0,25 xanax left....and even though I know that I will pay dearly for 'stealing' those, I had/have no choice. I MUST get through this - this has been 3 straight years of DAILY vicodin, perc, Fent, Oxy.........I am doing something HUGE right now.....so, I disgress...

ANOTHER 24hrs, and perhaps I will stop beating the shit out of my "jumpy" limbs. No diherrra yet, thankGod. Actually PAIN is not bad as expected. Those Bayer crystals help I think.....

My GOD, if I can do this, you can too....